Birthday Reflections

i just had to point out that this is my 100th post...who would ever have thought i would make it to 100 posts in a blog? not me!

For those of you who missed it this past Sunday I turned 20. I can’t believe that I have reached this milestone, where has the time gone? It seems on one hand that in my short life I haven’t accomplished much but at the same time I have reached, accomplished, and past a whole lot of different things.
My dad was an elementary school teacher; I remember watching him as I was growing up- admiring what I saw him do. I remember how my dad would always be the teacher that wanted to do more for his kids, he would search and work to bring his students opportunities that they might otherwise not have in their situations. One thing that always made me so proud of my dad was how every year when the teachers would divide up who would be in their class, my dad was always willing to take those students that the other teachers didn’t particularly want, the ones that came from the harder life situations or the ones that didn’t try very hard in school- my dad took them all and he loved every single one of them too. I think that my wanting to be a teacher started in the very beginning from watching my dad, I loved how when I went to school with him the students would be excited to see him and how I could tell that these kids genuinely wanted to be in his classroom.
I think that I realized from a very early age that, that was what I wanted to do, I wanted to be like my dad and work with little kids. My mom likes to tell me that she knew from even before I started school that I would work with kids- she likes to tell me of how when I was in nursery (18 months-2 years old class at church) parents would come in and I would tell them how their child did that day in class or of how when I was in kindergarten if a parent came and was looking for their child I could tell them exactly where they were.
You always hear from people that we are young and that of course we aren’t going to know what we want to do, that most people change their major 2-3 times while they were in college. Going through high school many of my friends didn’t know what they wanted to major in yet, it made me question if this was really what I wanted to do. I started trying different things- taking the opportunities that were given to me. When my ward did a play I volunteered to do all the daycare during the practices and during the actual performances, after my freshman year of high school I started working at a private school just doing the afternoon parts, my senior year of high school I took a class where basically I was a TA for two kindergarten classes, and then finally I am here, in Taiwan teaching preschool aged children. Where I was questioning once if this is really what I want to do I no longer question, I know that this if for sure what I want- I may have other passions, things that interest me, but this is where I am meant to be. I am happy for the many different experiences that I have had, to help me mold my teaching abilities and working with people, each experience molded and shaped me a little more.
My junior year my dad had an accident and suffered brain injury. It was a really hard time for me and still is at some times. At this point in time my mom and I did not have a very good relationship, there had been times in the past where I had even told my mom that I hated her, my dad had been one of my best friends, my rock and my support. Losing my best friend was really hard; I knew that it would never be the same again. Slowly I gained a new friend, my mom, there was no other family at home during this time and so we turned to each other to be the support that we had both lost in my dad. My friends at school continued to be my friends, but they didn’t understand what I was going through, only my mom really did and she is what helped me get through those hard times.
For the next year or so after my dad’s accident he was in and out of the hospital in Portland, which was 3 hours away- so my mom spent a lot of time there. That left me with balancing work, school, dealing with the stress and emotional issues of my dad’s accident, and being President of the junior class. Something was bound to slip, and in my case it was more than just one something. My grades began to go down and somehow I kind of lost control of them, then in February the stress of everything and having no sleep caught up with me, I was driving home from seminary one morning when I blacked out and had a car accident. Many people were surprised that I was alive after seeing my car; I think that I forget sometimes how lucky I am to be alive and that obviously Heavenly Father still has plans for me.
My senior year I had the blessing and trial of being ASB (Associated Student Body) President. I sometimes questioned why I had made the decision to take on that role, it was so much stress and sometimes I felt like pulling my hair out. But then something would happen and I would be so glad that I was a part of it. I think that my senior year was a little bit easier; I was beginning to accept more of what had happened in my life and was able to start accepting a little more that nothing would ever be the same as before.
This past April I finished my 1st year of college, I came from a high school where there was no homework because we didn’t have enough books for every student in the class and so expected college to be a breeze. But it wasn’t, it was really hard, many nights I would I would walk to work talking on the phone to my mom crying about how things were going. I am not always the most open person and so very few realized how badly I was doing, I had gotten into a ditch and was too late when I finally realized how bad I was doing and couldn’t get myself out.
About part way through the school year I was lucky to find information about this wonderful program called Owl Preschool, it seemed to be a huge blessing, an answer to a prayer that I wasn’t even aware that I was saying. I got very excited about the program and began to realize that I had probably gotten my hopes up way too high and that I wouldn’t be accepted, but through some other things happening I was accepted. I began to make plans and it became a reality. This has been such a huge adventure, I have learned and seen so much and been so blessed to be here.
I sometimes forget how blessed I am or all the wonderful things that I have in my life and I think that sometimes it is good to reflect and look back at what you have fought and won or even what you have fought and lost but then got back up again. As I reflect I see many things that I have fought and won, probably even more that I have fought and lost, with a few where I got back up again quickly, but even a few where it took me a little bit longer to get back up. These past 20 years have been glorious, I am not always happy about every experience as I am experiencing it but am glad all the same that I had them.
~Betherd~