Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Daddy


This was taken with the Chuy family right before they left, my mom said that my dad shut down very quickly after they left...she has been told that people are dying store energy for something that they feel is important and lose energy very quickly after that.

This weekend I will be going home to Oregon, I am going home to see my dad most likely the last time before be passes away. This past weekend he has stopped eating and drinking (if you have known my dad at all you know that, that means something), they say once someone stops eating they can live somewhere between 3 to 4 more weeks, though my Grandpa Williams lived only 13 more days. He has also stopped talking and acknowledging people, my mom said that he will mouth words once in awhile and if he hears a voice of someone that he knows talking to him he will stop being agitated and listen as they talk, we have been told that when someone is dying their hearing is the last sense that they lose. Yesterday my mom put the phone to my dad’s ear and he listened while she talked to him, at the end she said I Love You to him and he mouthed back I Love You too.
I am not looking forward to going home and seeing my dad at a stage in his life where he is not really there, this is the first experience of death that I have really had in my life and it is not something that I have wanted to have, but I think that it is something that is needed, both for me and for my dad. My feels that my dad needs to hear from me that it is ok that he passes away, when she told me that I realized that though I have been saying for awhile that I think that it would be better for him to pass away, to be free of the pain that he is in now and return to our Heavenly Father and to see his parents and brother again, I am not ready for him to go. On one hand I do know that it would be better for him, he does not really have any more life left for him, but he is my dad and I love him and I am not sure if I am ready to let him go.
My dad has always been one of my best friends, he used to sacrifice so much for me and my friends, I remember many times he would drive us to the movie theater in Lincoln City (an hour away) and sit in the parking lot reading a book while we went to the movie and then drive us home or during the summer before any of us could drive he would take us to the lake so that we could go swimming, again reading a book for hours at a time just so we could have fun. My dad was like my personal taxi, and he never complained. It was because of my dad that I originally wanted to be a teacher, he worked in a smaller town, where many of his students came from homes that were not always the best situations, he would often take the students that other teachers did not want, he loved them and would work so hard for them to bring them opportunities that they might not have gotten afterwards. All my life I have had people ask me if I was Mr. Mathews daughter and then they would tell me how they loved having him and all the cool things that they got to do in their class. I watched my dad lift these kids and because of him I wanted to do the same thing, I loved the time that my dad and I spent together, he would come home every night when piles of papers to grade and he would trust me and let me help him. My dad has taught me many lessons in my life, I think that sometimes I was a little slow to learn them but he was always there ready to teach and guide me over and over. One lesson that I will always remember is to serve others, not only would my dad make sacrifices for me but he would make them for everyone, if he saw a need he was there very quickly to help, many of my Saturday’s were spent helping one family move in or out of the ward, helping clean or weed gardens.
Another lesson that I have learned from my dad is love, despite that he stopped talking several days ago, he still continues to mouth to my mom that he loves her. Last week my sister and brother-in-law were visiting in Oregon, my brother-in-law Erick asked my dad if he were moving and could only take one thing what would it be, without hesitation he said “my wife,” my dad loves deeply and always. My parents have been married for over 35 years and will have eternity together, I know that from Heaven my dad will continue to love and watch over my mom and the rest of our family. I remember from growing up my dad would always do random little acts for my mom, every once in awhile he would come home for flowers for my mom, just because it was Tuesday, or because he was at the store and they reminded him of my mom.
My dad has not always shared his testimony of the gospel out loud but rather he would show it by his actions, I have always known that the gospel was important to my dad and that he believed it. Several years ago when my dad had his original accident he was trying to finish the Book of Mormon by the end of the year, he was so close, so my mom finished reading it to him while he was in a coma. Even as everything else in his brain was not as it should be he still wished to read the scriptures with my mom and say prayer with her.
I have heard many times that when girls are looking for their future spouses they often look for features that their dad’s have, as I look at my dad and his life and the many things that he has taught me, I would not mind having a man like him.
I love you Daddy and have been blessed to have you as my friend and father and to be with you in this lifetime, I know that it will be hard when you return to Heavenly Father, but I know that it is right. I look forward to spending eternity with you.
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4 comments:

  1. Beth, I'm so sorry. Your dad has always been such a brigh spot in the world, he will be missed when he goes. I hope his suffering is small. Thank you for being such a support to your mother - she means so much to me. You have a great family - I'm glad you'll have them to help you through this time. Give my love to your parents, and I'll keep your family in my prayers.

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  2. Beth, I want you to know even though I live far away right now, I am still here for you whenever you need me. I am so sorry you have to go through this very difficult experience. Heavenly Father is there for you and will help you get through this. Please call me whenever you need to you. I love you! Thank you for being one of my best friends.

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  3. Beth - thank you for a beautiful post and testimony. I love you and our family and glad that we DO have an eternity to continue being families. I love you sis!

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  4. Beth, your beautiful post left tears in my eyes. I love your parents and your family. Did you know that your parent's example was one of the things that made my marriage stronger? It's true and I will ALWAYS be grateful to them for that.
    I did not know your dad was sick and I am extremely sad to hear about it. I send hugs to you during this difficult time. I will extend my prayers for you and your family.

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